They say man proposes god disposes. And how much ever we want, we cannot change whats meant to be. Soumya and Aryan had so many dreams for each other. Some they saw together and some alone. They were sure that nothing can go wrong but god had decided some different things for them.
The next few days after the incident, Soumya didn’t know how she survived. She was morose and sick, not physically but deep within.. inside her heart. All she ever wanted was to run to Aryan… She couldn’t believe they acted this childishly. They evidently still have too much of emotional baggage.. She realized though that it seems hard right now, she cannot live without Aryan anymore..
She had loved him before yes.. but that love was for an image she made of him…she could survive then.. but now she loved Aryan.. the real man. She has no illusion to hold on to. She knew now what kind of man he is..A man who loved his kid till distraction. One who is hopeful and cheerful even in hard times.. She wanted him.. and yet she wanted to be wanted. Soumya was tired of reaching out to people.. for once she wanted someone to reach out to her.. someone to want her enough to take a risk
As planned the next Saturday, she went to meet Raj. They didn’t know anything about Aryan. Soumya didn’t know how she will tell them. So with a fake smile and gifts for both Raj and Jenny, a cook book and a bottle of perfume, she reached Breach Candy, where they lived.
“Aww thats so sweet of you.. ” Raj already started reading through ..”Oh wow.. nice easy recipe I am gonna try it”.. thats just like him.
“You spoil us Soumya. Thank you so much” Jenny went inside and kept the perfume on her dresser. Thats totally like her.. They were so different.. chalk and cheese. and yet were the cutest couple around! Why can’t I have such a relation? Soumya thought as tears filled her eyes. She turned around to hide it.
Nothing escaped Jenny. She saw the tears but decided to keep quiet until Soumya was ready to reveal whats inside her heart. Knowing her for so long she knew when to dig and when to let it rest. The wound was too raw too deep to dig.
“Raj! Stop reading it now. Soumya is here remember? Talk to her while I set the table.” She said to Raj as she moved to the kitchen.
“Oh yeah! In a minute”
“He is hopeless” Soumya smiled. They could always manage to make her smile!
“Oh its your fault! Why did you buy that monster of a book?” She asked mock irritatedly
“Now now you girls don’t start on me . You are going to thank me when I serve you the gourmet from this book!” he said laughingly closing the book.
Soumya thanked Jenny. Jenny smiled back understandingly to her.
Just before they sat for the dinner, Soumya hugged both of them.
“I am so lucky to have you both in my life. You are my guardian angels”
“Whats wrong with you girl?” Raj asked
“Trust Raj to spoil the moment” Jenny said “It is a wonder that he proposed me romantically”
They all started to laugh and the dinner went happily enough. Though Soumya picked the food instead of eating. They relaxed with coffee in the living room when Raj asked, “So tell me about your guy wonder”
Soumya felt pain pierce through her heart. “There is nothing to tell Raj. Its over” she said dully.
“What do you mean by that? Did he hurt you girl? I am gonna kill him! how could he do that to you?”
“Raj calm down” Jenny said like she would to a recalcitrant child. Raj said ” Alright! Tell me everything. Don’t you dare not to”
Soumya was touched like so many times before by their love. She could always depend on them like she couldn’t on her family or anyone else. She thought she could on Aryan. But it wasn’t meant to be. He didn’t love her enough and she couldn’t take anything less . She had to accept it she was meant to stay alone.
“Raj he is not a bad guy. He never was and he isn’t now. We went out everything was fine. Then we went to our… my flat.” she corrected as her voice cracked.
“We went to my flat and then we kissed. It was just too much. The emotions were. Its not like my first relationship or my first kiss. But it was too much for me. I stopped the kiss . I suggested that we move to the patio so that I can catch my breath. I realized that it was special coz I am with him so I decided to leave the caution to the wind and go after love.. after all it was my dream come true. Some dream! It turned into night mare.”
“I donno wat went through his mind..he actually apologized for kissing me! “
“That cad!” They said clucking their tongues. They knew just the right words to say.
“Well I gave him nice and proper and then he left and well since then I am a mess. I can’t lose him the second time!”
” Then go and get him” Jenny says.
“Why would she go? If he wants let the guy come. My poor baby has been so patient for long now its her chance to ask things from life. Its just not fair” Raj spluttered.
“Don’t be stupid Raj! Whats more important her happiness or ego ?” Jenny asked.
“No jenny. Raj is right. I have to wait it out. He has to love me fully. I can’t live with a hidden regret. I want it all. When I gave it all am I asking more?”
Jenny sighed. “If you put it that way … even I want to say you deserve more and all.. All I want is your happiness. As long as you know what you want.”
Its been many weeks since that day. Jenny’s words echoed in her mind. Late at night. Is it possible for him to miss her and love her? Couldn’t she love enough for both of them ? So many times she went to call him. Picked the telephone and put it down.
‘Who am I kidding? If he missed me wouldn’t he call? I must be the rebound love and now I guess he would have moved to the next lady for all I know’
This doubt made her stop always. Its been nearly 6 months now. Soumya had stopped dating now. Somehow she never could make the effort. She took to walking down the Marine drive. Thinking of their first meeting .. that glance everything.. over and over again. She took to taking alcohol to fall asleep and nowadays that didn’t work too. She had graduated to pills.
Looking at Soumya self destructing herself, Raj had started supporting Jenny too but that didn’t change her mind. She was waiting.
Soumya was no longer sure what she was waiting for. For Aryan to come or was it for death to come? Each day was just the same. Her work was suffering, her boss concernedly asked her to take off. Told her infact. Everyone one was concerned about her but the person whom she wanted to be…
Such is life isnt it? You keep running behind someone who has no time for you.. and the people who care for you.. you dont have time for them….