hello readers…

Hello readers! Yes you guys trying to read this story.. Wondering who is this addressing you ? I am a character created by this crazy lady!Names Parthasarathy… If you tell this to anyone or call me that I will break your bones..

Call me Parth.

Ah how rude isn’t it? Thats me.. always.. if only this weirdo won’t try to reform me! I am tired of writers playing god! Deciding our life.. Who gave them the right? Well its my life and I have decided to rebel.. So here I am talking to you!

If you don’t like me.. scram! I will talk anyways… I wont waste much of your time.. I am busy too.. got some chicks to bum some beer to guzzle..

So here’s the story

Scene : Sunday Afternoon in a pub

Yes. I was sitting all by my own listening to death metal *yeah I can see her cluck her tongue*

So I was listening to music.. head banging.. and i see my Sardarji! *there she clucks again.. politically correct insipid gal!*

Mr S. was sitting alone too.. which was weird.. we r regulars u see.. Mr Over loud guffawing S. being quiet is rare.. n I was enjoying the fact.. but u see with 4-5 mugs under his bulging belt , he was bawling like a 4 year old kid.. *sigh*

“Jeez! I mean hasnt anyone told him how ugly he looks when he is crying?”

Having nothing better to do… I walked over to him to talk * it was boredom not goodwill will u stop ? *

Sorry readers, it was that damn pushy woman again.. trying to interfere! I mean who can ever confuse me for ‘do gooder two shoes’?!

So I walked over to him.. it didn’t take more than 5 min for me to understand what the issue was… Its nothing new… the age old story of married couple!

Every time he watches sports on TV * which is on every holiday* she wants him to spend some “quality time” or whatever that is.. when he doesnt, it starts the tirade of you dont love me anymore…

This time they had this huge fight where both said all kinda crap n now he is regretting it… Also is very hurt!

After 12 years of marriage one would expect things r better.. I mean the la di da lady must know if a bloke sticks around for so long he must be a sap at head.. or in love.. got to say for a woman to cry for him.. she has to be half mad… from his story she seemed that anyways!
Really the lady must b happy that he returns to her even after her wrinkles and all.. But if only wishes were horses!

i listened to him for 30 min. paid for his beer and yet he wont stop! I mean there is so much a guy can listen to.. even if you are bored! So I decided its high time I did something

Me: Sji, mere paas na ik kamaal ka idea hai ji bhabhi ko hamesha ke liye is shikayat se door rakhne ka

S: Oh chak de phatte, bata bata ki gal hai ?

Me: You got to follow everything i say okay ?

S: oye theek hai ji! If you can get ***preet stop complaining.. I sure will do it ji.. but wat is it ?

Me: See, all she wants is to be reassured that you love her. Just tell her that you love her but in a different way…

S: Oye isme ki nayi baat hai ? I keep telling her all the time! She never believes.. I dunno why she doesn’t! We had love marriage ji! Bhagake legaya uske gharse! If i don’t love her who does?

Me: Arre suno toh! You would say that in a different way!

S: What way ji ?

Me: I will go to her and set the stage.. you come after 15-20 min *whispers*

*I know you wanna know what it is.. but you got to wait *

S: I know my ***preet. She wont fall for this!

Me: Lagi shart ?

S: Oye theek hai.. lag gayi 1000-1000 ki.. meri wife ko mein nahi jaanunga kya ?

Me: Okay will do. Wait for me here.. I will be back by 30 min.

I reach his place….

Mrs. S was busy crying bucketfuls and gobbling up them chocolates. With an audience of neighbors commiserating… The moment I said I am Sji’s friend.. the neighbors gave such dirty looks as if I am his lover.. God! I was like stepping into the lions den literally.. And man it was 5 hours since they fought.. how much can this woman cry ?

I mean if i wasn’t a mutt head enough to suggest helping sardarji.. I would have video-taped it and sent it to them Guinness world records guys.. there has to be a record for this too.. am sure our Indian females wud top the list!

So back to the story. I told mrs S. I have something to tell her.. and I went ahead to tell her that Mr. S. might leave her then what will she do ? she can’t even go back home.. wudn’t she be wiser to make peace with Mr S.

Okay I agree this is not what I told Mr S. that I would be saying.. Do you see him agreeing? Ofcourse not!

But It was true.. mrs S had no where to go.. her kids were young she old and her family considers her dead! Someone had to make her see the light. But does she thanks me for it?

Whooping no!

She started crying bucketfuls again.. cursing him even more loudly..

And fate played its cards too! I mean what the heck!

Sardarji made his entry.. I was nearly toast.. Wondering how I escaped? Well it was coz of mrs S. she cried so much that everybody including him concentrated on her…

Well the rest of the story is comical to extreme. him saying he loves her.. and she is not old at all.. am a crazy old bachelor! * how dare he.. crazy bachelor is okay but old???* what the fuck…. things i listen to for friends…

And he continued that I wanted her for myself * god forbid! I wud choose to kill myself before that!* and thats why.. I actually lied..

This fanned the latent ego in the lady’s heart.. she decided to forgive him and he decided to spend quality time with her.. he had nearly lost her n learnt his lessons etc etc

And me?

Erm I was thrown out of the house forever banned.. and Mr S. is not supposed to visit the pub i visit.. on the positive side.. he got the rights to drink at home…

Any sane person would thank me.. if I hadn’t lied to him and her…

Ah well thats how the world is.. so.. am back to my pub world…

That And what about that bet money? he forgot that conveniently.. that Two-timing Troglodyte! Dunderheaded coconut!

Well I guess so here I am.. drowning my misadventures in beer….

Author’s note: The curses can be found here